Back Door

Since you have all loved my description of Fisting so much, I figured I would talk about the other door.

First of all lets talk about what it isssss. To me, it is one of the most erotic places on the body. The skin just outside of the entrance is soft warm and thin. It is imperative you are careful. That means 1. Keep fingernails trimmed and 2. Use gloves, 3. Cover that toy. No matter what your sexual orientation it is important to throw toys in the dishwasher and to clean them with dish soap and water.

It will keep you healthy and make you feel better. Oh and I just met some wimmin selling glass toys..Oh my …I will post a link to them soon.

Initially you can begin just like any other little tetatae, or even the same preview as fisting. Most importantly keep connected. If you absolutely must use more lube, then have some part of your body touching your sweetie.

A little pinch well placed will bring attention to the area. I like to mix pain with pleasure. Being in touch with the recipient of my attention.

There are many avenues of access. It is important to think about anatomy before even attempting this. The anal cavity is formed toward the back in a small moon shape. So, going in the opposite direction can be uncomfortable.

Not that it cannot be erotic…just about anything can be erotic.

Depending on what type of message I want to convey I choose my entrance position. Remember that always can be changed later on. Mostly, for newbies, I start out with the soft area at the entrance. Making sure I have enough lube I move back and forth slowly while playing with other places with my hands/mouth.

So many have a fear, which will create, a problem…but that is also the case with other activities! That is why COMMUNICATION is so crucial. And, RESPONSIBILITY. I have never done anything that the person was not horny for! It is imperative to me for it to be HOTTTTTT, otherwise why do it????

The bottom line is to have the proper knowledge so it can be.

There is plenty of info out there. And join a club in your area. An SM club. They give workshops on these subjects, and you will meet like-minded people.

Again, the trick is to take your time. So…1. Be sure to make it clear that this is your ultimate intention!

2. Engage in your foreplay
especially what you know will be a definate turnon for your partner
hopefully you will know this by now

3. Touch the cheecks with your full hand, rubbing the “sweet spot” which is right in the center, as a matter fact try touching yours. Yes, do it. Touch yourself. That is always the best way to know how it will feel to the other person.

4. Do what you already have established as hottt with this person. Remember your voice is an erotic tool. If you have negotiated appropriately, you will know what words will turn your partner on. Most love the forbidden.

5. Pour a bunch of lube onto your gloved hand. Make sure the glove fits perfectly. Put more than you could ever need.

6. Slobber it all over your hand, then bring your hand to the area and work your way from front to back. As if you are having them ride your arm.

7. I like doggie fashion, with me kneeling behind. A part of that is allowing my leather-clad thighs rub against the naked skin of my bottom. Even slapping up against them. Other times I will grab the hair with my other hand, or even the neck. Whatever my mood is (it is always pre-negotiated).

8. My hand is still bizzy keeping in rhythm. I may move forward for a few moments and enter there. Going in and out. Playing with the entire area. Keeping the vagina happy.

9. Then when ready, go in. Go in to half your forefinger…AND STOP.

10. Wait, allow the bottom to get used to your presence. As they relax, and you will feel the opening do so…move to the edge and then go in some, then come almost out

11. Keep your rhythum and pay attention. What you are doing is going to show. Notice the breathing pattern. Remember to use the rest of your body. Your left hand can be stimmulating the front area…as in pinching and plucking at the nipples.12. As the heat builds begin becoming one with your own body. Moving with your thrusts. In your minds eye, see what you are doing, look at what you see and alow the heat to build.

13. Feel yourself feeling what your bottom is feeling….you see yourself in your minds eye penetrating your bottom. You become what you are doing.14. And you can mess with the other portions …as in clit occasionally while working the butthole. As you come out grab the lube and replenish. Now you can go deeper.

And allow your self to feel that deepness. Your bottom will enjoy length as oppsoed to width. There are instruments that work, but make sure they have a large bottom portions so as not to slip in and get lost!!!
15. When you have built trust, and are sensitive and in touch your bottom will get hotter and hotter, and begin pushing against you and rocking with you.16. As with the vagina, your anal cavity can accommodate much more than you would believe. It takes creating a fun and wonderful experience. The nerve endings are stimulated; the mind helps create the heat.

17. This is the point when you allow your self to ride the energy and move yourself in and out, doing so with as much thrust as the bottom can take. 18. She will guide you by her movements and breathing.19. Be aware…her peak may be much more intense than ever before. So, aftercare is a must!

Aftercare

What is it and why do it?

Personally I believe just after an event, or a few days after will not procure the entire result. It will give some, but the real material comes about a week and a half later. So, I arrange for the bottom to contact me:

1. A day later

2. 3 days later

3. 10 days later

These times are somewhat flexible, but necessary in my opinion. Most importantly it is a part of the scene for me. I need that feedback and feel ripped off when the bottom either does not comply or does not take it seriously.

To that…I must say that it should not be of importance why I ask for something…it should be …my wish is your command…because it gives me pleasure so DO IT and don’t think you know or understand my motivation!!!

Because I am kind, and find bottoms are not dispensable…I will give you more information!

Many times people find out and/or find there way into our community because of fantasies they have had forever. Others just wind up with a kinky lover and then when that relationship ends need to find someone/anyone else who can bring them to that place. The place where time stops and pheromones flow.

As I have told many a bottom, anyone who is skilled and has the experience can give you these feelings. The trick is sniffing them out. You can do this by showing up. Just doing it in this case is NOT the answer. What is preferred is going to events and parties, making friends and talking to the others. See it as an interview. Find out what makes the bottom tick. How they do what they do, and what they got out of the scene they did.

At social events many times people are willing to share with you. Your job is to find out who has what you really want. And a major part of that, even if you don’t think so, is the aftercare.

Because at some point you will run into something you see or do that is hard on you. Is emotionally difficult. Something that will bring up feelings you don’t understand. That is when the experience of the Top plays a major role.

That is why I find out much in my negotiations. I get a feel for herstory and any medicinal uses, because they will affect the ability to endure pain.

AND by the way…I like you to FEEL the pain, not be a whipping post!
I believe Top and bottom both have a major responsibility to themselves and each other. This does not end the day of the scene. It ends when the after negotiation has been completed. When both …I said both feel done.

MATES

As in playmates, lifemates, relationships

It is amazing how our family of origin will affect our daily lives. We think, “I don’t want to be my mother” and before the thought has been completed we are doing exactly what our mother would do.

Or is it our father?

WE are who our role models were. It is a skill to find like-minded individuals on this life path. That is what the yes, no, maybe list is about…you know communication.

To match up. To find out where there is common ground. We meet and if we find the other attractive, our thoughts go to how this person could possibly fit into our lives. Will they be a part of our daily routine? Or, what common interests do they have. In this case, what kink do we have?

If it is at a play party, it can be a quickie. I was at a workshop once with the Outcasts. A woman passed out 3x5 cards and we all put our fantasy on it. Within moments we were all hooked up with a potential playmate.

What I am trying to say is that it does not have to be a lover it is about creating the fantasy…we are each other’s tools.!!!
If there is more common ground…fabulous. If not, lets enjoy what we do have!

Olde Guarde....New Beeeee

I suppose the basic difference between Olde Guarde and New Bee is probably protocol. When we were still a young community, and due to our beginnings that are linked with the military, we were much more formal. And, way back when SM/S&M etc was actually called “English”…as I recall it anyway.

That formality had some deeper advantages that I truly miss. It is a deep experience, that can only be understood, like almost everything connected to BDSM, by having been there.
For me, the formality is a turn on. It is just another outward manifestation of the deep connection between the persons involved in the scene. Especially if it is a 24/7 situation.